For the “When will I be charged?” tooltip below, the Product team initially wrote:
We'll process your payment on the Wednesday morning the week before your shipment is scheduled to arrive.
They asked me to revise it. I suggested:
Your payment will be processed the Wednesday before your box's scheduled delivery.
My thought process:
- Make the payment, not the company, the subject.
- Use language consistent with our style guide. The company says “boxes” instead of “shipments.”
- Shorten and simplify. In the original version, you’d need to reread that sentence to understand it. I edited to make it clearer and more concise.
(And if you also noticed that “Schedule Your Arrival Date(s)” copy below, that’s something I’m currently discussing with our Product team. My suggested revision is “Choose A Delivery Date.”)
